My brother is a douchebag

So, I'm sleeping off a good week of school and my mother just pops into my room and wakes me up.
Mom,"Honey, I'm going to pick your brother up from the hospital." This gets my attention
Me, "Why ever would you do that, mother?"
Mom,"Well... He ODed on alcohol."
My first reaction: NICE! MY BROTHER'S A PARTYER!!!!
So, she leaves and I fall back asleep where I dream things that no man can understand!
Then, I am ever so rudely woken up again by the telephone, we have one of them super ultra talky telephone things where the caller phone will say the caller ID and terribly mispronounce it. Anyway so the caller ID thingy says, "Blah Blah Medicare" I get up and walk groggily toward the phone and notice that it's say MEDICAL not medablahblah so I pick it up and some nurse with a cute voice says
Cute nurse voice person,"Hello, is--"
I cut her off, "Ya, she's on her way." Now I'm thinking, my 17 year old brother, who is not of drinking age where we live, is drinking and he ODed on the shit... wow... he can't handle his liquor... Is he ok?
So I ask the cute voiced lady, "Hey baby, what say we go out and grab a coffee later?"... ok so I didn't really hit on a girl over the phone, I'm not that desperate. So I ask, "Is he ok?" and she's all, "Ya, he's fine, he's just waiting for his mom to pick him up."
He's fine... HE'S FINE?! MY 17 YEAR OLD BROTHER DRINKS, GETS FUCKED UP AND HE'S FINE!? NOT EVEN A STORY TO TELL HIS KIDS!? What a loser.
He won't be fine when I get through with him... dork...
Now, getting drunk and trowing up and having sex with no condom all I'm fine with... the sex didn't happen... well... not that I know of anyway... but getting CAUGHT?!?! I thought he was better than that. One rule with me and my brothers. Do whatever you want just don't get caught.